“In one ear and out the other.”‘ “He never takes out the trash.” “She doesn’t get why I need a night out.” “I’d have to ask my husband/wife.”
I hear statements like this constantly at my office, the flurries of messages stating annoyance with spouses or the lack of freedom that comes with the ball and chain. Then I’m told I don’t understand because I’m single when I ask why they don’t choose another reaction or why they don’t confront the situation.
I think it’s married people who don’t understand. They’ve forgotten what it’s like to think for themselves for so long the don’t know how. Really, after 18 years you are just now annoyed at him not taking out the trash? You could look the other way for 17, but now it’s annoying? I can tell you if he hasn’t taken out the trash for 17 years– telling him once isn’t going to be enough to get him to do it every time… human beings are in ruts and that was never part of the routine before!
As I sit here listening to the rants and complaints of those who are married I wonder what could be said for single life— yes, I’d like to have someone there unconditionally, but if getting that means giving up freedom to do as I please, having to ask permission for purchases made with my own money and forgetting how to be happy? I’ll gladly give that up.
Love is one thing, but without happiness– what is life?
After realizing that it really is something i’m doing wrong in relationships, I decided to ask my close guy friends and guys I’ve tried dating before what it is that makes me “undateable” or makes a guy lose interest…
Here are some initial thoughts:
I’m too nice (Not a challenge enough)
I’m a spaz (Making the little things into big deals)
I’ve tried dating guys who weren’t ready for a relationship, nothing I could have done would have made them ready
I don’t want to get married– ever
I don’t want to have kids–ever
I’m too organized (it’s intimidating and takes some of the spontaneity out of things)
More to come after I learn more and have time to mentally process the findings!
Do any of you have any thoughts on what women do wrong in relationships?
I stopped “talking” to this guy a little over a week ago and since I’ve pretty much stopped looking for a guy to just appear and click. It’s funny how easy it is to just stop thinking about men and relationships and dating when you are committed to just being you. I’m not worried about what guys I might see out or at the grocery store, I don’t think of “maybe this will happen…” scenarios before bed. I just– live.
It’s funny how when we are talking to a guy or thinking about finding one, that’s all that consumes so many of our thoughts. Then you stop and it all becomes clear– it’s about you and your life, not the guy. He’ll fit in where he’s supposed to.
I encourage you all to take some time and just stop thinking.
I had an argument with a male-friend this morning and I realized. So often we see things from our views only. We don’t even try to see things from the others perspectives or thing about what they are going through– sometimes we even know what they are feeling or dealing with, but get blinded by the fact that we didn’t get our way.
I began to interpret this into relationships…
It’s no wonder so often things don’t work in relationships. We don’t think about the other’s views or feelings on a subject and then we get passionate and headed to defend our stance, we end up attacking the others views.
There are always some issues that can’t be compromised on, I’m not saying compromise on everything. But are there things you can compromise on? Even if there aren’t– what if you step back before passion takes over, think about the others thoughts and reply and discuss the issue with that in mind. Even if you don’t agree, if you are discussing instead of attacking– I promise things will be better.
Even if you can’t always agree to disagree or meet in the middle… maybe you can at least make sure you are looking at the same page in the same book? It’s okay if you take a different meaning from the words on the page.
The saying goes, “Nice Guys Finish Last.” But where do nice girls finish?
After a recent conversation with a friend who I dated in college… I was told that I need to “stop being so nice.”
Immediately this quote came to mind:
I shared this concept of being “too nice” with a friend– and it hit us. We couldn’t name a single bitchy/mean/not so nice girl that ever stayed single long… and why shouldn’t we have realized that? How many of us girls pick the jerk over the nice guy every time? Almost all of us.
So what does a “nice” girl do? I can’t just start acting hateful and bitchy to every guy I like, that’s what boys did in second grade on the playground, right? Maybe it’s a balancing act… don’t sugar coat as much, don’t race to “make everything better.” Sometimes just say “I’m sorry” instead of “I wish I could help, please let me know what I can do.” Maybe it’s not about not being nice, but about not being so nice they are afraid to break you?
Does anyone have thoughts on a girl who is “too nice?”
I know you want to offer me the world and pull me into yours, but don’t. I’ve got my own life and my own world. In an ideal world you’ll keep your world, I’ll keep my world and where they overlap we will build our world. Most men don’t understand that, they have been taught that women drop their lives and identities to merge with their boyfriends– but I’m not most women and this isn’t 1953.
Keep your friends and hobbies and I’ll keep my girls and my interests. It’s where they merge that our world together exists. When I hangout with your friends, making them my own… when you join me and my firends and even begin to call them your own. When you share your hobbies with me and I teach you about my interest. It’s the place where we meet new people and try new things together— that’s the world you can offer me.
I’m looking forward to seeing what that world holds, because I’ve already got my own and I have no need for the one you are offering.