This morning I was reading my usual news sites, catching up on weekend news and I saw this post– “Figuring It Out: Stop Taking Dating Advice” and wow– it stopped me in my tracks.
I’ve recently been happy where things are with me and the guy I’m seeing– we are just being us, taking things slow and casual. Granted, I do feel like they are more of a relationship then the “casual dating” he and I discussed– but who said we can’t make up our own rules. That’s when this article hit me. I’m beyond happy where things are with this guy and at the risk of sounding like a typical girl– I think we could work out for a while– not to rush things though, but the only times I start questioning it and second guessing his feelings and intentions are when other people question it.
I’m tired of hearing casual dating is a cop out or an excuse to date other girls– cause guess what people, neither of us are dating other people. This article was just what I needed to hear– to stop worrying about how others feel about he and I and where we stand. I need be happy and trust my gut and where God is leading me…
I hope you take a moment to read this article on The Everygirl and gain some insight from it too.
I was approached by someone not quite ready to move into a relationship, with good reasons, about causally dating. At first I thought this was going to be a big issue and I’d end up heartbroken, because I didn’t want to casually date this guy– I wanted a real relationship. To be honest, it’s too early to tell how it’s working, but I’ve got some initial thoughts.
We aren’t causally dating. We are dating without a title.
I say this, because:
- We each are only dating each other.
- We go on dates.
- We hold hands, he puts his arm around me, etc in public and around his friends.
- We text throughout the week.
- We hangout on weekends together
- He texts me when he’s drunk.
- We have plans for the semi-not-so-near-future.
Umm… last I checked, all that was dating? The only thing not going on here is a line on Facebook saying “In a Relationship with—” and introductions that start “This is my boyfriend/girlfriend….”
Casual dating, I thought it was possible– but I’m learning, it’s really just a relationship without the pressure from within, only pressure from society.
The Michigan Speedway is noted for having the fastest “modern day” race times due to it’s super smooth surface– the fastest speed recorded being 203.241 MPH. Today, it seems like everyone is trying to reach that speed with relationships.
Knowing each other immediately leads to dating, which immediately leads to commitment and marriage. What happened to friendship and courtship and dating progressing into going “steady” and engagements? What’s the rush? People are living longer than they ever have before, yet we are more in a rush to skip the parts of life that we actually live though. We are hurrying from end to end and not enjoying the processes and journeys that get us there.
When was the last time you looked up at the stars or watched the clouds move in the sky or smelled the flowers? I’m guessing it’s been a while, because our generation is in too much of a hurry rushing from one thing to another– especially relationships.
People tend to get “used” to being in a relationship, so when it ends they don’t take the time to move on, they just jump into a new one. Then they rush into the physical aspects because they are “used” to sleeping with someone and “used” to always having someone there. Get out of the comfort zone– stop doing things because you are “used” to them!
Slow down, try new things! On the relationship speedway, go 5mph instead of 203.241 and turn right sometimes instead of always going left– you might end up somewhere great!
If you aren’t happy… why don’t you do something about it?
I’m not talking about a bad day here and there– but truly, day-in-day-out something is upsetting you. Maybe you don’t like your job or where you live or your body. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but all three of those things can easily be changed. If you aren’t happy with your job, there are thousands of posts for other jobs out there! If you don’t like where you live, you aren’t a tree and you don’t have roots– put plans in motion to move! If you aren’t happy with your physical appearance, eat better and workout!
So much of what dictates if we are happy or sad is fixable, it’s our mindset… glass full or empty. Change your paradigm, work on the negative things in your life, focus on the happier things in life! You can control if you are happy or sad 99% of the time.
So stop complaining or being bummed, and be happy!
After an outing with friends this weekend I started picking up on a few hints people were giving around the table. People were giving the guy I was with hints that he and I might as well just be a couple, jokingly calling me “___’s girl” the entire night and asking if I’ve got his lavalier yet… People were giving crap to another friend about how he hasn’t proposed to his girlfriend on-and-off for about five-years now, including the girlfriend.
I started wondering– how important are the titles really?
Take for example the guy I was with… he and I agreed to casually date because he isn’t in the place for a serious relationship. (I admit, I’ not really sure what the difference between casual dating and other types are.) We text throughout the week, we go to dinners, we hangout and watch movies on lazy nights, we have cuddle time and as I noticed on this outing with friends– he isn’t afraid to put his arm around me, hold my hand, etc– and he also doesn’t feel the need to correct people when they refer to me as “—–‘s girl.” That being said, I might not be labeled his girlfriend– but should that really matter?
I think back to a friend who dated her now husband for almost a year before he’d put the official title on their relationship and say they were girlfriend/boyfriend… and look how that turned out? I also remember a couple of friends of mine who dated for nine years before getting engaged, eleven before a wedding took place… if they didn’t need the title of engaged– why do you? I also think of couples who pressure and rush relationships, the getting to the title and the begging for a ring… and I feel as though so few of them really work out.
So, I’ll ask again… what’s in a title and is it really that important?
Have you ever been happy and things are working out as you hoped… then all the sudden, one by one all of the should-a, would-a, could-a men start popping back into your life? One by one they start wondering how you’ve been, telling you they miss you, anything that they can to make you question if you really are happy.
It’s like a radar signal sent out, some high-pitch sound only the men of your past can hear… “Oh, she’s happy? Time to make her question it and see if I can stir things up.” They always seem to think.
Maybe I’m the only one who feels this way, but the second things start working out– there they all seem to come, one by one, trying to make you feel as miserable as they did once upon a time.
I understand that times have changed and we have this constant fear of missing out on something in the world. We’ve grown used to being connected at all times. However, we’ve lost how to connect with each other live and in person. Face-to-face communication has become irrelevant and less important than the people we text, tweet or are looking for updates for on Facebook.
I’m not trying to say it’s never appropriate to text or be on your phone when around other people. However, I am saying that if you are spending time hangout out with a friend– the phone needs to be down more often than it’s up.
It comes down to respect. Do you respect the person you are with? Do you want to show them that? Interact with them, not the people you are non-verbally saying are more important than they are. FYI– if you aren’t aware, by focusing on the people texting you, you are saying to the friend you are with “This person is more important than you, I respect them and not you, to be honest I’d rather talk to them than you.”
So download the respect app and put the phone away, spend time with the people who have made time for you.