After a weekend back in college and a few heart-to-hearts between me and the guy I’m talking to– I realized that God has either given me a road map to follow or an obstacle course to get through. The problem is– I’m not sure which it is.
At the same time though, I wonder if I want to know which it is. Regardless of what kind of map I hold in my hand, i’ll end up somewhere different, both courses might change me– granted one will leave me bruised and sore while one will leave me refreshed. Maybe the roadmap has traffic or maybe it’s a smooth ride? Maybe the obstacle course has rivers to forge or electric shocks to avoid? Only getting out there and following the path will show me and start the journey to where I need to go.
Yes, I want to know which it is so I can prepare properly– tennis shoes or flip flops, dress or spandex? But I think I can drive with tennis shoes and get through a few obstacle in flip flops– so maybe the preparation doesn’t matter.
Have you ever been given a map and weren’t sure if it was to the roads around you or to an obstacle course? How did you get through– other than having faith?
It’s like I’m being haunted by a girl I spoke to maybe once… She broke his heart and tried to turn an amazing guy into an asshole. His actions are still defined by how the relationship ended and his being haunted by her actions is haunting me. I want him to jump and fall and take a chance on us– but because the memories of that heartbreak are haunting him still and feel so real, hecan’t. I get that– I truly to. But how can he let the memories of an ex-girlfriend stand in the way of future adventures? How long is he going to hold on to the pain?
Every time we start getting closer and things seem like they are finally going to move to the next level– she sneaks into his mind, reminding him of that pain, that heartbreak…. Every time we take a few steps forward her memory sneaks in and pushes us back. She’s like the ghost moving things around while we sleep, but she’s moving us around instead.
I’d do anything to be able to call the Ghostbusters or an exorcism or whatever magical practice rids your house of the demons that haunt you… but instead I have to be patient and pray that one day you’ll be open to the idea of falling again. Not only that, but I have to pray that you’d be open to falling for me…
Dear Future Boyfriend,
I know you haven’t moved on from the past yet. I know you still think about your ex, you still love her. But I also know you care about me and I know those two things don’t mix.
I can’t make you move on, but I can’t say I don’t pray every night that you will. I hate that you still love her and I hate even more that she broke your heart in such a way that it’s not mending yet.
I can only promise that I’ll be here for you. I can promise that I won’t break your heart like she did. I can promise that I’ll risk my heart for you. I can also promise that loving her will only hurt you more– the longer you hold on.
I wish I could make you move on, but I can’t. Till then, I’ll be praying that you let go and learn to love again.
Your future girlfriend
Dear Future Boyfriend,
I am in no rush for us to be together. Yes, the sooner the better. But I know that we both have things to learn, feel, be hurt by, and do before we find our way to each other— things that must happen in order for us to happen.
You see, I trust that God has a plan for each of us. I know that he will make sure we are together how we are supposed to be together when the time is right and not a day sooner. It’s the knowledge and faith in his plan that doesn’t have me looking at the clock or calendar for you and I to be official.
I will not pressure our relationship or try to speed things a long. There’s no amount of time too long for me to wait for you– you and I will be together when the timing is right.
Your Future Girlfriend