Today is my birthday. Today is my first ever birthday date…. it’s also the first date I’ve really ever had with a guy I’m falling for head over heels.
It’s a new year for me and I’m letting myself fall for this guy. Knowing he’s been hurt, knowing he’s scared and knowing that I have no clue what the future holds. All I know, is that he’s a good guy and he’d never hurt me on purpose. I also know that I have never been as excited about anything birthday related as my dinner with him tonight and a birthday kiss.
This morning on the way to work I saw this gorgeous sunrise, I could have sworn for a second that God painted it just for me– obviously, that’s not the case.
I started to wonder if the sunrise was really that beautiful, or if I’m just in this state of bliss that everything seems happier and prettier and better than it normally is. Can bliss make you blind to the ugly thing in the world?
Then I realized, I don’t care. I don’t remember a time in my life that I’ve ever been so happy and in such a state of bliss– so I’m going to enjoy it!
I realized that not only is he holding onto his past love and heartbreak, scared he’ll be hurt again like before– but I’m holding onto it also. I’ve been taking every step looking back at his ex, wondering if I’ll compare to her or if he’ll ever let her go… little did I realize that that constant looking back as been pulling her along with us.
He’ll move on in time. But first, I have to stop holding onto his past for him. I’ve got to stop comparing myself to the ex and stop worrying that I can’t hold the place she once did. All my worries are doing are giving her more of a hold on his future than she deserves.
It’s time to let the past go and move on.
Do you smell it? Or maybe you can feel it in the air. I notice it in the little goosebumps on my arms and by the smile on my face… football season has begun.
It’s a magical time of year to be Southern and in the South. Rivalry are renewed and you can have full conversations with strangers merely because they are wearing the same team colors as you. The grills are filled with new propane tanks, the fridge is loaded with beer, new koozies are waiting to be stretched and dresses are yet to be covered in stains. It’s an exiting and magical time– so much hope and promise for the season.
No wonder that it’s the time when many fall in love, just life the leaves on the trees. Something about the playful banter between a couple who doesn’t see eye to eye on the right team is just so cute, and you can see it in her face she loves him picking on her and he loves to do it. Something about the couple who walks hand in hand to the stadium wearing the same team colors and cheering the same team on to victory– even if they aren’t meant to be, it gives us all a little hope.
I wish you all luck this football season, both on the field and in love.
I often say that God had a plan for us and I truly believe he does. I also believe that his plan for each of us is far better than any plan we can lay for ourselves. However, I tend to not let him guide me as I should. I like to make my own plans and follow them through to ensure they happen.
The thing is– no matter how much I try to pursue my plan instead of Gods– I’m going to end up exactly where he wants me when he wants me there.
That being said, I clearly need to stop trying to forge my own path. God knows the obstacles in front of me and he knows exactly what I need to press through and what I need to avoid. He will lay the pavement down as I need to pass through it, I’m merely driving the car, he’s putting the road down for me.
I’m going to try to do better about trusting his path and stop worrying and trying to take control. He knows what he is doing.
I’d like to thank society and our culture for all of the over thinking and pressures that come with a relationship.
You see. I’m in a titleless relationship. We are exclusively not together, and I’m okay with that. He’s had a rough past with relationships and wants the next one he gets into to be real– I get that, but no one else seems to. They tell me that if he wanted to be with me, he would be. But I see that we are together, what does the title of girlfriend really change?
Add in the constant asking “are you official yet” and I start worrying that we never will be, that we are going to keep dating and being happy– but that’ll be it. Granted, what does it matter? If everyone knows we are together and we know we are together– why does he have to be my boyfriend?
I’d like to thank society for constantly asking me and constantly making me worry and wonder if he’s really into me or if he’s just confused or whatever. I know that he likes me and that this is headed somewhere, but the constant questioning and making me feel like it’s not real if it’s not on Facebook– that makes me wonder and question. PLEASE STOP.
Earlier today, I blogged about our asking “what if things don’t work out” instead of “what if things do” and just now I saw a pin on Pinterest that fits with that perfectly…
That’s why we ask– “What if it doesn’t work out?” It never has in the past, so we have this fear it’s not going to again. If it had worked out in the past, we wouldn’t be here in the situation in the present. There’s one thing God has assured us though– it will work out one time, the right time. He has a plan.
His timing is amazing, I asked the question and he put the answer right here for me.